Worth of a Promise & Value of Trust

A woman told me that one of the hardest adjustments she had to make when she first came to the states was to accept that a promise here was not worth the same as back in her country. Back home, a promise was like a sacred bond.  If someone said they would call you in an hour, that is exactly what they will do or if they can’t, they will inform you ahead of time and reschedule.  In the States, it was disappointment after disappointment.  For people who grew up here, most of us don’t even give small broken promises a second thought.  It hurt me at first when people didn’t keep their promises, but then over the years I’ve gotten used to it.  I sort of just assume that every promise has a 50/50 chance of being kept, depending on the person.  I try to keep all my promises, but I find myself starting to care and notice less and less when a promise is broken.

Another cultural difference she had difficulty with was understanding that in a nation that prides itself on freedom, independence, and individuality, people are like little islands.  Each individual is a separate island and is required to defend and protect her/himself.  To assume that someone else has his/her back when times get rough or competitive, is naive. The woman was not use to such lack of trust.  Indeed, when she first arrived at in States, a coworker, who had stolen her ideas, bluntly told her that she was naive to put so much trust into his words.  She was naive to think that people who smiled at her wouldn’t stab her in the back.

In my town, most people were good at keeping promises and there was way more trust between neighbors and even strangers compared to people from the city.  Neighbors trusted each other to look after one another’s lawn, pets, etc when someone went on vacation. People greeted each other on the streets, even strangers. Many people didn’t lock their doors and left their keys in the car at the grocery store, because there was this unspoken yet demanded respect for each other’s property.

Then I went to college and met a bunch of Californians whom, although very friendly, shocked me with their lack of trust in people, including friends, and overall humanity. It was like someone had sucked out all the hope leaving them in an absolute realist position. They still wanted change and a better world, but believing those could happen was another thing.

The declining worth of a promise and the lack of trust may be byproducts of too much freedom and individuality.  Most of us want a better and more harmonious world. Yet if we cannot even trust those we see everyday, how can we convince those from another country and culture to join hands with us and simply trust that we have their best interest at heart?