Disappointments. We’ve all experienced those and maybe we were the source of disappointment. There are many different ways to react when these kind of things occur. To those fresh from the vine and innocent, they turn to tears as they watch their dreams shatter before them. I don’t mean simply career dreams, but also dreams and hopes of a humane and ideal world. The death of hope, above all, creates tears, for it is only natural to mourn the death of an ideal world. Then the tears deepen the sadness into a sinking and spiraling sorrow till one is somewhere where the light can’t hit.
After a long time, a handful crawl from the sorrow into another kind of darkness…hatred, a burning, agonizing, self-destructive hatred that consumes their souls. Everything, even the smallest blossoming flower, is tainted by a perspective so damaged that that individual forgets to live and forgets his or her humanity. The hatred eventually becomes a contest against one’s self. It becomes a long painful process of constant pulling and pushing, fighting between what may be called eternal skepticism and emerging wisdom. The fight will last for years.
Even in times of happiness and peace, there is an echo somewhere inside that leave one empty and unfulfilled. I would say it is easier to hold on to hatred for it blinds and numbs one from everything, joy or sadness. But life gains such clarity and serenity when wisdom wins and then one will know how to move forward. It is not easy though to accept new knowledge. There is always a price. When wisdom is first gained, there will be sadness every now and then when one faces the past and sees something he/she had not realized before, but is now too late to change. There is also loneliness. That is perhaps the greatest price one pays for wisdom, for only a handful reaches the point where they see life and all its twists and turns as a player or spectator rather than a pawn. When most of the world are trapped as pawns of life, it is lonely and frustrating to stand on the sidelines and watch your loved ones being bullied by life, struggling to stand back up. You keep wishing, hoping, praying, that those closest to you will finally see and understand things the way you do and be freed from the game.
Sometimes you may wish you were a pawn, for ignorance can truly be bliss. But alas it is neither a process that can be reversed nor taught to others. It may be told, lectured, and read about, but to become a player and not a pawn of life, an individual must go through the process of wisdom him/herself and survive it before they can truly understand its depth. Only then, will everything begin to click together and one realizes that he or she is in the driver’s seat with the power to control how they react to and overcome obstacles. Until then, many are stuck feeling powerless one day after another wondering what is wrong with them or others, and cursing at life.
The Swinging Hammock 